Really Sick

So I've been MIA because I caught a cold from my dad last weekend and have barely been able to get out of bed.   I've been reading everyone else's blogs, but haven't really been commenting cause I'm so tired.   I'll have a lot of catching up to do next week.

And thanks again to all of you and your kind words.   You are all wonderful.

Poser

I have been reluctant over the past couple of weeks to post anything substantial.   After all the crap "trying naturally" (with opks, etc etc), the idiopathic IF diagnosis, two IUIs:   To finally get pregnant on an off cycle makes me feel like a bit of a sham in this community.

I remember not being able to visit blogs where the person was a parent, or was expecting, and because of this, I will not make this blog about my pregnancy.  In fact, I'm considering moving to a different blog, with just a link to this one, or even quitting the blog altogether and just becoming a commenter.

Before this Hail Mary pregnancy, I had a few more posts that have been swirling in my head that I wanted to write about the state of my marriage.    I think that in the next couple of weeks, I will try to pound those out, and then let this blog wind down.   But I haven't decided for sure just yet, but it's on the horizon.

6w2d

Had a follow up ultrasound with new OB/GYN (who we both REALLY liked) and there was a heartbeat, and the baby is measuring on target!   Yea!

Thanks for all of your support the past few weeks, ladies.

Beta

So the Beta from Monday was 1294.   So it looks good, and they will retest on Monday to make sure it is rising accordingly.

And on another positive note, nausea set in yesterday.   So hopefully this all means good things.  

We've decided to tell my parents this weekend, and I'll keep everyone posted as to what happens on Monday.

Thank you all SO MUCH for the kind words and support.   I really appreciate it.   You're all wonderful.

5w2d Ultrasound due to spotting

The update:
So after spotting on Saturday and Sunday, I called our new OB's office on Sunday afternoon and talked to the doctor on call.    She told me to come in and get an ultrasound, that 50% of women spot during the first trimester.

So Sweets and I went in today.   The gestational sac is measuring on target at 5w2d, but that's about all they can see.  They are a little concerned because most of my symptoms have disappeared, and so they drew a beta.   I should get the results to that by the end of the day, and I go in for a repeat in two days.   Then I go in one week for another ultrasound so they can check for a heartbeat/flutter.

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We were planning on telling my parents this weekend, because we are headed to their house (a few hours away).   We will probably only do this if the betas come back with hopeful numbers.

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Both Sweets and I are taking pessimistic views on this it seems.   I guess we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and we're already discussing contingency plans of IUIs etc.   It's just what IF does to us, isn't it?

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We ran into one of Sweets' coworkers at the dr's office.    She immediately asked "So is there some good news??"   To which Sweets replied a quick "No."    Erg.   I hope that she doesn't go spreading around that she saw us there.   I really hope not, especially if this ends poorly.

Spotting

I can't say that I'm totally surprised, as my congestion resolved last night, but this morning I'm spotting.   Not a lot, but it's pink.   I know that this is not cause for total alarm, but I'm 5 weeks today, and I know that I've already implanted (there was brown spotting then).

And, of course it happens on a Saturday, and while Sweets is at work and my regular doctor isn't working.  Sweets' supposed to be on his way home shortly and I guess we'll discuss whether or not to go to the RE's office to pay (out of pocket) for an ultrasound.

Really, there isn't anything they can do if it IS miscarriage, so I don't know what we'll do.

Hopefully it's nothing.

When Life Hands You Lemons... Squirt them in the Eyes!

I have actually been thinking about this for the last few months, and have started a few posts that haven't worked out too well and deleted them. 

Infertility has done a lot of horrible things to myself and my marriage, but it has done my husband and me one gigantic favor:

It forced us to work through our issues before having children, and brought us closer together.

We are certainly still a work in progress (just see the last post), but we are getting there.    If we had easily gotten pregnant and had a baby by now, we certainly wouldn't have as strong a marriage as we do today.   I might even go so far as to say that we'd probably be headed down the road to divorce within the next year or two.

My favorite key chain is from David and Goliath and says "When life hands you lemons...  squirt them in the eyes!!"    I tend to be that sarcastic, high strung type of personality that fights back fire with fire and doesn't back down.  But, at some point in the past 2 or 3 years, I stopped fighting for my marriage.   Life with my husband was just too hard with us both having stressful careers, and him working 100+ hours a week.    We really let our relationship sit on the back burner.   I don't know when it started, but the degradation was slow but steady and it continued until we didn't recognize each other any more.

IF brought us back into the foreground and made us work on ourselves again, and for that I am grateful.   So thanks, IF, for giving me at least one good thing.