Picture of "G"

So normally I try to exclude any sort of identifying information on my blog because of the sensitive nature to why it was started.   Because so much of it includes Sweets, but he is not aware of the blog (to my knowledge anyway), I have tried to keep everything as anonymous as possible.   So, I'll call the new little one "G", and here's a picture...   Though I may remove this post in a few days after everyone has had a chance to view it :)

Birth Story!

My apologies!   I wrote this a week and a half ago, and hit Save instead of Publish!    Erg!

So, the birth was basically 99% easy, and 1% sheer terror.

We went in to be induced because of late gestation (41 and a half weeks) on Sept 26th at 7:30. They called us in about 6:45, but by the time we got to the hospital it was apparent that every single pregnant woman in our city had gone into labor during the 45 minutes it took us to get in the car and get to the hospital. So, they sent us away to get a good breakfast and we went back around noon, when they hooked me up to all of the IVs, pitocin, etc.

Sweets and I played travel Scrabble (possibly the coolest game ever, I highly recommend it) until I was unable, and then I got an epidural, and we watched Avatar for a few hours. Epidurals are the most wonderful invention ever. EVER. I do not understand why a person would not want to get one, cause that's just crazy.

The baby had been GREAT and after two pushes the nurse called in the doctor because she was so close to being born. But, as the doctor walked in, her heart rate crashed, and then they actually couldn't even find it. As it turned out, she had the cord wrapped around her neck, and it didn't tighten until I started to push (but usually they can tell by the fetal monitor well in advance of pushing). SO, that called for a vacuum, and an episiotomy and her being born in a total of 15 minutes and 4 more pushes. I've never seen Sweets scared like that, and I was actually trying to calm him down.
She came out looking perfect (no cone head) because she was born so quickly, and none of that bruised look that some newborns have.   And, the speed of it saved me some swelling and I have recovered pretty well.
 
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3 week update:
 
We continue to do well, and both Sweets and I feel extremely blessed.   Neither of us is taking any of it for granted, which is certainly a positive from experiencing IF.  

Due date tomorrow. Terrible news about a friend.

First, a quick update:
At my doctors appt on Wednesday I was dilated to 1.5 cm and 50% effaced.   This could mean that we may have an ontime departure tomorrow, or could mean that we'll be waiting another week for Baby Girl to make her appearance.  

I'm feeling fine, been walking in the mornings to try to speed things along.   I woke up on Wednesday to huge purple marks on my sides, and needed Sweets to tell me that they were stretch marks.  Hahahahaha.  I couldn't believe that he had to tell me what they were, AND that they happened to appear so LATE in the game!   I almost made it scott-free.  

--

On more somber news, we got some REALLY bad news about a couple that we know.   Apparently their baby (pregnant at 30 weeks or so) has a tumor.   They aren't telling people about it.   He told Sweets, and then they got interrupted, so he hasn't had a chance to follow up with them.    It's pretty much bad news all around.   The baby could die at any second and really without warning.   If the baby does make it to delivery, it will have to go through surgery, and live its life without (some) major organs.

It makes me cry every time I think about it.  And I'm not a crier, except that this is so upsetting and I'm hormonal, and that's a recipe for crying.    I can't even imagine the type of stress and worry that would overshadow anything happy about a pregnancy like this.  We worried so much that something would be wrong with our baby, and were relieved that the ultrasound was free of any large abnormalities.  

And being pregnant, or soon to have a new baby, I'm nearly sure that the last thing they are going to want is to be around us.   At least, I know that's the last thing that I would want in their situations.   When dealing with IF, the last thing I wanted to do was to be around happy pregnant women.  So I'm left trying to figure out what to do.  Besides pray for them.

So, if you are a praying sort of person, I would ask that you throw a few up there for this couple.  I'd appreciate it very much.

36 weeks

My computer time has been hugely limited for the past month and a half due to VERY uncomfortable chairs in my house.   I don't have a single one that allows me to sit at the desk and type.   I realized today after my doctors appointment that it has been an insane amount of time since I posted, and that it makes me a terrible person.   I need to get a lap top, but it just isn't in the finances.

Things are still going well.   Baby Girl still doesn't have a name, and I don't think that she will until she actually makes it here.   Sweets is just too indecisive, won't pick names he actually likes, and doesn't like what I suggest.   So I'm just waiting it out for now.    All along, I have loved one specific name, which he has mocked and ridiculed until I no longer care for it.   The other day, he said that he'd be OK with it, because he'd rather I love the name, than pick something we were both ambivalent over.   I wanted to scream at him.   As it was, I just mentioned that I didn't like the name any more because of the way he'd been about it, so we'd have to find something else.   It's so frustrating.

But seriously, if this is the only thing we have to worry about, then things are good.

I feel pretty good.  I move slow, and things hurt, and I'm REALLY ready to be able to move like I used to, but I really have nothing to complain about.    Baby Girl is measuring 2 weeks ahead of schedule at 38 weeks (by gross uterine measurement) and the doctor said that we'll be having an 8.5-10 pound baby if she makes it to 40 weeks.   If longer, then we'll do measurements to make sure that she'll fit.   Im pretty tall, so 8.5-9 pounds sounds ok to me, but 10 sounds excessive, and I would seriously consider C-section at that point.

I have gained 30 pounds, and have not gained anything in the past 4 weeks.   I'm hoping to stay right at 30, because  I was about 10 pounds heavier than normal at conception.   It's much easier now because I can't eat the volumes that I was just 2 months ago, everything is so scrunched in there.

I am going to spend the next hour catching up on all your blogs!   I was reading religiously until about a month ago, so I have a lot of reading to do!   

made it through

So I made it through the vacation with my family.   It was tense, and I had to listen to a bunch of passive aggressive talk from my mother and sister (expected), but I got an unexpected ally in my SIL.   She was SUPER pissed at how my sister and mom treated me, and I pretty much had to tell her and my brother what happened because of all of it.  (I had somewhat decided not to say anything to anyone, cause I didn't want it coming from me)

Though there were a few highlights.

1.  My father must have felt awful about how he treated me because he spent the whole week sucking up.   I really would have liked it if he would have been straightforward, but I don't know if that will ever happen, so I'll take it how I can get it.
2.  He told off my mother one night because she was trying to control how the rest of us cleaned the kitchen (it was priceless and she spent the rest of the night in her room)
3.  My brother had to put mom in her place because she was trying to control what people were keeping for food in the "second" condo we rented...   This also happened to be the condo that both pregnant women were in... she didn't want us having food over there at all!   Like that works with two pregnant women!    She ended up apologizing to brother the next day.
4.   After my brother yelled at my mom,  Dad pulled my brother aside and told him that "he didn't know what was going on with mom, but he'd appreciate some help in handling her."

After an entire week with them, my mom grabbed me as we were leaving for the airport and said two sentences about the two of us:

"I don't want to get into anything because your leaving for the airport, but I get it.   I get it."

So, not an apology, but a step in the right direction?

I've been praying a lot that my heart will soften again to the two of them, but it's hard.   I wonder if we'll ever make it back to how we were 3-5 years ago.  

Thanks

Thanks to all of you!   It really helps to get other perspectives when stuck in a situation like this.

I think you're right, and that not attending the vacation (while very appealing) isn't really an option because it would be the nail in the coffin of my relationship with my parents.   On the other hand, I have assessed the cost of leaving the vacation early, and it seems like it would only be a few hundred dollars.   We don't really have any extra money laying around, but we could swing that if we had to.   Really, can you put a price on your sanity?

I also think that you're right in that I should just ignore everything.   I really don't want to talk about it, I don't think anything is going to be resolved, because my father will simply back up my mother regardless of how ridiculous she is.  In turn, she's not going to admit that she had anything to do about the matter.   Therefore, I lose regardless.

It's funny/ironic, because in all of the conversations that I had with my siblings, they counseled me to talk with her and deal with it.   My response to them has always been that "this ends badly for me, I can see to the end of it, and I KNOW how it's going to turn out."     Ick.

More Mama Drama

I will try my hardest to make this story somewhat cohesive, but I warn all readers now that I'm still very upset, and this could result in quite a lot of rambling.   I also apologize for the HUGE size of this post.

A little bit of backstory:

I have previously documented the problems that I've had with my mother and her gossiping.   It was the reason that we didn't tell anyone in the family about our infertility struggles, and it has succeeded in really poisoning our relationship.  The disintegration of our relationship is largely my fault.   My inability to deal with her gossiping has resulted in me pulling away from her and having an EXTREMELY short fuse when it comes to just about anything she does.   I tend to speak to her condescendingly and disrespectfully, and I have really been trying to work on it.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we had a chance to talk about things.   I explained where I was coming from, and generally mentioned that there are things in my life that I couldn't/wouldn't talk about, but that I was sorry for how I'd been treating her, and I would work on it.   She acknowledged that she needed to stop talking about people, and said she'd work on it.

Separately, I can now tell all of you that my brother and SIL are pregnant.   She's 36, and can you guess how long it took them to get pregnant?   You guessed it, FIRST TRY.   Of course.   Anyway, they were super worried about genetic testing because of her family history, and so asked us not to tell anyone, so I've kept it quiet, even here in blog-land.

During Memorial day weekend, I decided to extend and olive branch to my mother, and share with her our list of names we are considering for our baby.   After hearing the list (of about 10), she told us that one of the names was my SIL's name that she's picked for a girl.   She told us what it was, and I took it off the list, because I don't want to get into ANYTHING ABOUT IT.   We had a similar problem when both my sisters were pregnant at the same time, and it nearly tore them apart.

We found out that SIL is having a boy, (ours is a girl).

So, I called my dad on father's day to make sure he got the present, and chat with him.   Mom made sure to steal the phone away from him to chat with me (which kind of drives me crazy cause I don't really like talking on the phone, which is why I called HIS CELL PHONE).    We talked for awhile,  and then she tells me that she talked to my SIL.   That one of her friends used her name, so now she wasn't sure she wanted to use it.   She told me that she told SIL that "Nixy and Sweets have a list of names, and yours was on it, so I told them, and they took it off, so if you aren't going to use it..."

At which point I interrupted her, exclaiming.  "Why are you getting INVOLVED IN THIS?!"  

And she freaked.   Freaked.  Completely decompensated.   She flipped from yelling, to crying, to telling me that I didn't even let her finish.  She personally attacked me, and in response I got more calm, and condescending and had to repeatedly threaten to hang up the phone if she didn't calm down.    This only made things worse.

I told her that it didn't MATTER about the story, it mattered that we only talked about this WEEKS ago, and she was already talking about things I'd told her that she shouldn't be talking about.    She didn't want to hear it.    Told me that I was only going to the bottom line, and that after pressing SIL about the name, SIL said that she still liked the name and would probably use it if they have a girl next.   The truth came out that she really WANTED us to use the name, because it was her grandmothers.   This to me just showed that she was doing this for her own personal reasons.   She said that she considered not saying anything, but in the end did anyway. 

To Mom, the ends justify the means.    To me, it does not.   Especially after what we just talked about a few weeks ago and her promise to stop repeating the things I tell her.

And so it continued.   Around and around.

Until my father took the phone from her and said (I paraphrase except for the first sentence):

THIS IS YOUR FATHER.   I have been listening to you talk to your mother and it is unacceptable.  Your mother deserves kindness and understanding.    Over the past couple of years, I have been watching how you treat her, and haven't said anything.   I've been waiting for a time when we could get over it, but you have irreparably damaged our relationship and I don't know if we'll be able to get over it.   You have ruined my Father's Day.

I acknowledged that I don't speak to her respectfully, I also asked him how long he'd been listening to the conversation, and he admitted that it hadn't been that long.    I told him she'd been personally attacking me, and  I told him that what little respect I could muster was shown in the fact that I did not hang up on her despite the abuse that she had been throwing, and that my tone of voice was DIRECTLY related to that abuse.   That I had refrained from using personal attacks, and at this point, that was all that could be expected of me.    I apologized for ruining his Fathers day and asked to speak to my mother again.     He repeated that I should be treating my mother with kindness and respect (I refrained from telling him that I did as well, and that gossiping about people was disrespectful).

She was much calmer, and we somewhat resolved things.   I apologized for speaking to her in a disrespectful manner, but she REFUSED to admit she had done anything wrong.   Which, in the long run is fine, because I can just stop telling her anything to prevent that.

What I have a SERIOUS problem with is my father thinking that after YEARS of this going on, that he feels he has the right to step in to the middle of a fight and "lay down the law" and "put me in my place."   My father is the most non-communicative person on the planet.   He stays out of everything, and always has.   I have no idea if he's got the whole story, or even cares to.

We are supposed to be going on vacation with the whole family (except for my oldest sister, who my mother also has problems with and didn't invite) this Saturday for a week.  Of course my mom will have called the rest of the family and cried and blubbered and tried to get them on her side.    The only person who will not fall for this is my brother.

I don't know what to do.    My father is never involved in ANYTHING with my life.    He's like a silent partner in everything interpersonally related.   Therefore, I tread into uncharted waters.   I don't feel like talking to him.   I feel like cutting him out of my life.   I don't feel that he had the right to overtake a situation and then say such strong things that can't be taken back, and that will probably change our relationship forever.

He had no interest in hearing my side of anything, which is fine, except that he then chose to get involved.   

Sweets listened to quite a lot of the conversation and (kind of) surprisingly came out on my side of everything.    We have a relationship where we pretty much tell the other person if they are wrong, and he felt that while I was condescending and not respectful, that the situation definitely warranted it.   And that my father was out of line.   It makes me feel better that someone else thinks I'm being somewhat rational about the situation.

I could use any advice people might have.   I know I'm going to have to deal with this in a few short days and I'm really dreading it.  Ugh.