Care pkg and etc

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful suggestions on the care package.   They were all really helpful.

I ended up buying a nice Eddie Bauer diaper bag and filling it with all of the goodies.   I think that it turned out pretty well, and I'm just now realizing I should have taken a picture of it all to show you!  (I'm a bad blogger...)    The post office lady positively giggled at how heavy it was, and it cost me over 30 bucks to ship.   Since when did shipping stuff cost so dang much?

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Sweets told his mom this weekend (against my wishes because everyone knows she can't keep her mouth shut).   She called me right away to tell me how happy she was, and repeated OVER AND OVER that she wouldn't tell a SOUL.   She acknowledged that she knew I'd be angry, and she promised not to say anything.

Then Sweets talked to his sister the next day and asked if MIL had told her.   She said yes.

This infuriates me.   First, IT ISN'T HER NEWS TO TELL.   Sweets should be able to tell the people in his family!    Also, did she think that not telling anyone excluded family?    

Sweets just laughs it off, because there isn't anything he can do about it.  But I am livid.  At both him for telling her and her for not keeping her mouth shut.   Seriously, it's just TWO more weeks!

It also makes me mad, because Sweets went on and on that my mom wouldn't be able to stay quiet after we told her.   I had to defend her time and again, because she IS good with baby news, despite her other tendencies to gossip.    And she didn't say a damn thing.   We saw my sisters and brother this past weekend and HAD to tell them because I'm already showing, and my boobs are noticeably pregnanty.   They were shocked and excited.

I think that possibly Sweets was just feeling out of the loop, but it doesn't excuse him doing something that I specifically requested that he not do, for VERY good reason (and now is completely justified).

I have half a mind in my hormone crazed state to write his mother an email about how her actions are/were completely innapropriate.    I won't do it, because I'll become rational in another couple of days, but I want. to. write. it.          


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Warning: pregnancy related talk below...   IFers feel free to stop reading here.




So my morning sickness has been getting worse and worse for the past few weeks and it's actually getting hard to work.   I have been throwing up at least twice a day after breakfast and dinner, with near constant nausea in between.   I had to tell my boss that I wasn't being very productive, and he was good about it.   I said that I was still getting stuff done, but slowly, and he asked me if "I was able to keep working" as if he was totally ok with me taking time off.   I was kind of floored.   I actually WANT to keep working, because when I'm at home, I just lay in bed and think about how I don't feel well.   I'm HAPPY that I don't feel well because I would worry if I felt alright, but it's definitely affecting my work and life considerably.

I've found that mint tea really helps me make it through the day but I'm really hoping that I'm not one of those women that is sick through my entire pregnancy.   Has anyone out there tried acupuncture for morning sickness?    I'm seriously considering it.

More Holiday Crazy

So, I was talking to Sweets last night and he mentioned that his mom has bowling on Saturday that we are there, and told us we were on our own for the night. (There is a possibility that she'll get out of it, but doesn't sound likely, or like she really wants to do that.)

So here's the timeline for our holiday.

W - 23rd - fly across country and arrive at 10 pm. drive 1 hour to MIL's house.

Th - 24th - Drive to SIL's house. Crazy will ensue.

F - 25th - Xmas

Sat - 26th - Drive back to MIL's house. She and (step) FIL will go out bowling

Sun - 27th - no plans, maybe extended family

Mon - fly home.

So I promptly tell Sweets that we should go into the large city that is ~ an hour away from MIL's house because we haven't been there in years. We can have a nice dinner or something, and just hang out together. He drags his feet about this because he doesn't want to get in the way of other peoples plans. (This, of course, makes me FREAK because of the way they are all behaving.)

I send MIL an email that says "Hey! Sweets just told me you're bowling on Saturday night, and I was thinking about hitting the big city. We haven't been there in years, and it would be so much fun. However, it doesn't make sense for us to drive all the way to your house just to double back to the big city, so would you mind dropping us off on the the way home? Not even all the way there, but to somewhere we could grab a train or bus would be great."

Her response? (paraphrase): " I mentioned to Sweets about bowling because I know it's your anniversary and maybe you'd like to do something together, so if you want to go into the city that day, that's fine with us. As for getting there, we will have our DOG WITH US, so we'll have to play it by ear. Maybe you'll have to get a ride from other SIL. Though there may be a bus right from SIL's small town. I'll figure out if there is a way to do it."

This has disaster written all over it. I read the email to Sweets and his response? "THAT'S not what she told me on the phone. She said that she has to play this game because of the way the league is run, and they've already missed too many games."

I wrote back a really nice email thanking her for being so thoughtful, and to let me know if she needs anything from us to make it happen. But I'm not counting on it. I also stated that we usually choose not to celebrate our anniversary because it's so close to Xmas, and we want to see the family. (Actually hadn't even known what day it was that weekend, because it's so not on my radar.)

The best part!?! I just realized that our anniversary is SUNDAY.

This is actually starting to be comical. It's making me laugh, which is a lot better than before. I never expect them to be something they aren't, and to not be selfish, but I'm working on getting Sweets on the same page, so that we can distance ourselves from the crazy at least a little bit.

Letter to my SIL

When I wrote about the Christmas debacle of 2009, Michelle wisely suggested that I write out an email (and not send it) as a therapeutic exercise. I think it's a fabulous idea, so here goes.

Dear Sasha, (and MIL, and Fiona would be cc'd because they would get it forwarded to them anyway),

I am writing to share with you my feelings of frustration over the turn of events surrounding Christmas. I genuinely feel like you did not listen to Sweets' voiced concerns, and I would like to lay out our/my feelings on the subject. As all of you know, I am a straight forward person and while I have bit my tongue in the past, I feel like I need to get this out so that we are all on the same page.

In August, I sent an email asking you to pick a place for Christmas specifically to avoid this current scenario. As all of you know, traveling for long distances is hard on my back since I injured it working 4 years ago. Turning around to drive for at least three hours within 24 hours of flying across the country is difficult, and I was trying to avoid this. I knew that this was a possibility because we have routinely been forced to change our plans when we come to visit because of your change of plans, hence the email.

This is not to say that I do not understand your reason for wanting to meet at your house. I COMPLETELY get it. You have three kids, and it's difficult to travel with them. But NONE of this is new information from when we booked our tickets three months ago. NONE of it. I understand that your schedule had not been figured out, but a simple "I don't know my schedule. If I have time off, I'd like to do Xmas here, and if not, it would make sense for you to go to Mom's house" would have allowed us to make the decision to NOT travel for the holidays, and try again next year.

Quite frankly, it is incredibly selfish of you to do this to us time and time again. You suit yourself in absolutely every circumstance, and I am truly sick of it.

As Sweets hinted at on the phone with you, we do not want to spend a number of days crammed in a house with your children, who will be getting up at what would equal 3 or 4 am in the morning for us. We had this all decided at MIL's house, and had a cheap hotel room to go to. Now, we will be forced to spend 200+ dollars a night to stay in a hotel.

During your phone conversation with Sweets, you stated over and over again that this is the best way for everyone, and this was going to make for a better Christmas for all. Don't kid yourself. This makes for a better Christmas for YOU, and that's why you are rearranging everything this way. So own up to it.

Calling someone and asking them to change their plans NICELY, and ACKNOWLEDGING that you have screwed up is the way to handle a situation like this. It's common sense that you don't call them and tell them that this will be better for them, and try to convince them that you are right. You apologize, and ask nicely if they would consider rearranging all of their own plans. After all, you are the one imposing when you have already previously signed off on the plans. (OR in your case, ignored the email that I sent you and do whatever you want, which is what you always do.)

You have not once put yourself out to see us when we've come into town, and you certainly wouldn't travel to come and see us (though you don't mind making the cross country trip to your brother in law's house). For heaven's sake, you couldn't even make it to our wedding, bridal shower or stay for the entirety of our east coast reception.

After this holiday, we will no longer put ourselves out to accommodate you.

In addition, I have absolutely no desire to ride around with you on Christmas Eve to run errands and take your children to see Santa Claus. What would make you think that we would WANT to do that? We have no children, and this would be torture. I will be fine hanging out in our hotel room if that doesn't not work with your schedule.

Also, we will not be getting up at 6 am to watch your children open presents. As I have mentioned before, that's 3 am for us. I don't expect the kids to wait to open their gifts, but we don't need to be there for it. We can exchange with the family later in the morning.

I'm very sorry that it has come to this, but this was really the last straw for me.

Nixy

PS. "F" YOU YOU FERTILE, INSENSITIVE BITCH!

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If I was actually going to send this, I wouldn't have worded it quite so harshly. (I might be tactless, but I'm not stupid. :)) Actually, maybe the first half would stay the same.

I am teetering on whether or not to send the email or say something when we actually get there. I think that they need to know that this behavior is why we won't be traveling to see them for a holiday EVER again. I could just be passive aggressive like them and not mention it, and never bother to go, though.

Erg!

In laws and Holiday Crazy

This morning, we got a call from Sweets' sister. She has decided that Christmas will now be held at her house, so that she doesn't have to travel with her three kids (and she's pregnant with #4) for 2 hours (4 in traffic) on Christmas.

Now, I believe that I have mentioned before that she is a selfish creature, and that she has done this to us before. Sweets' entire family is terrible at making plans, and that would all be fine, except that we have to fly across the country to get to them. Which means that we need to know months in advance WHERE the family is convening. It has routinely been a problem.

This year, I sent everyone an email in August saying that we'd really like to join them for one of the holidays this year, but tickets are expensive, so we'd like them to pick which of the holidays, and where it would be. I really thought that this would combat all of the problems that they had in the past.

The plan WAS that we fly to their mom's house, stay there for a night, and then in a hotel for a couple of nights when the sister comes down to invade the house with all of her children. I should add that we WANT to stay at a hotel for this time, because of a debacle a couple years ago where she dumped her kids off, and went to stay at a hotel herself, leaving us to watch her kids for her. (It was awful awful awful.)

We already have our tickets. To Sweets' mothers house. 150 miles away from his sister and in another state. But we're expected to have no problem getting in a car and driving all that way after flying across the country. Especially when we could have just bought tickets to her house in the first place.

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Spending the holiday with a pregnant person was going to be hard enough. But, she's already planned our Christmas Eve, which consists of following her around to drop off her Christmas presents to people, and take her children to see Santa Claus and get pictures of them. Who in their right mind thinks that other people want to do this with them? Do I have the right to refuse to do this with them?

We got online right away and booked a hotel room; which of course is now 230 bucks a night because it's so f-ing close to the day. I told him I would go, but I refused to stay at her house and Sweets firmly told them that we would not be staying with them. We'll be three hours behind them, and I'm not going to add sleep deprivation to the list of torture that week.

The icing on the cake is that we are SITTING OUT a cycle to be there with them on Christmas (because I should actually be ovulating on Xmas day).

I certainly feel like writing out an email to them all, which I know is probably a bad idea. I certainly know that we will NEVER plan another Christmas with them. I can deal with it (and should say that I normally do) during a normal vacation, but this is just too damn much. Maybe I'll wait until afterwards. I do know that I'm going to have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut about all of this, and am hoping the anger fades in the next four weeks.

Nope, not pregnant

AF showed up on Friday evening (as I was expecting). Sweets and I went out for an expensive dinner and split a bottle of wine. We then had several good, and several bad conversations in our inebriated state.

1. (Good) We talked about foster parent orientation. I have wanted to be a foster parent since high school, and it is something that we've talked about off and on for a few years. Sweets wasn't too keen on the idea, assuming that we would have our own kids "soon" and didn't want to complicate things. Now that our own kids might not factor in, we've decided to at least go to the orientation to see what it's all about. Sweets is still hesitant (rightly so) because things are so up in the air with us, but we'll at least have our bases covered when/if we want to pursue it.

2. (Good) Medicated cycle? I got an appointment with the RE for the 23rd. We will develop a game plan and see if we want to pursue a medicated cycle (we are leaning towards no here, but it's still TBD).

3. (Good) We decided our plan for the holidays. Our next IUIs will probably be the day after Thanksgiving, and Xmas day. So, we are going to sit out Xmas, because we will be traveling to my in laws, who do not know.

4. (Bad) I have mentioned to Sweets previously that Xmas will be hard for me this year and we revisited this conversation at dinner. Not only are we traveling away from my family, but we will be sitting out a cycle AND his sister is pregnant with her FOURTH child. She has had two pregnancies since we have been trying. She's also one of those people who I KNOW will pressure us ("when are you going to have kids???? you've been married FOREVER! don't you want them???" etc, etc)

This opened up "can of worms" conversation number 5, and I was "that" crazy woman at dinner, arguing with her husband and certainly ruining the dinners of the people sitting next to me.

5. (Bad, very EXTREMELY bad) I cannot stand my sister in law, and Sweets is very close with her. I, for the most part, keep my mouth shut about it, and put on the nice face and she "thinks I'm great," according to Sweets. I do NOT WANT HER KNOWING about our IF, and Sweets wants to tell her, because they are close. We'll call her Sasha.

There are several reasons why I don't want Sasha knowing, and why I don't like her (and this post would be extremely long if I decided to go into them all, but I'll try to just gloss over a few).

I don't like her for one main reason: she is extremely selfish. She did not attend our wedding, or my bridal shower because it was not convenient for her to be there. When we travel across the country to see Sweets' family, she can't be bothered to make the trip down to his mom's house to see us, and we then have to make the 3 hour drive (in addition to the 6 hour flight) to see her. There is much more to this story but it's whole-other-post-worthy. This is strike number one.

I don't want her to know about her IF for the same reason I don't want to tell my own mother: I don't trust her to keep her mouth shut. There is good reason for my trepidation. A cousin of theirs recently had to terminate a pregnancy (a very wanted pregnancy) for medical reasons. While they are telling everyone else that she miscarried, Sasha knows the real reason and talked to Sweets about it. This is strike number two.

Sasha is also close with their other sister (Fiona) who has a terrible gossiping problem. So, a common scene of drama in the in laws house is that Fiona spreads everyone else's gossip around (including Sasha's). Strike number three.

My worry is that even if she didn't spread it herself, that Sasha would tell Fiona, and it would get around to everyone in the family. And, while we may end up telling everyone some day, I do not want to feel pressured to tell everyone because people are suddenly finding out from the gossip mill.

Does anyone else have any problems with gossips in their family? It seems like I'm getting it from both sides and now I'm wondering if I'm just being overly sensitive about the whole thing. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing, and we should just tell people. Sigh, I don't know.