I did not cry today....

... in front of anyone.

This was a monumental achievement given the circumstances.

I have a group of close friends that I have known since 5th grade and became close with during high school. We see each other about once a year if we can swing it. This weekend was that weekend this year, and we all got together to hang out.

One of these girls is 4 months pregnant, though they started trying 5 or 6 months after us. I was devastated when I found out, but able to both be and act happy for her. This weekend was going to be hard, because I know that she's showing with a cute little belly, and that the vast majority of what would be talked about would be babies and pregnancy. I was more than slightly dreading it, and seriously considered canceling.

Last night, we caught a movie, grabbed some dinner, talked about babies and babies and more babies, and I managed to get through it with a glass of wine or two. Then, shortly after waking up this morning, another one of the girls told us that she is also pregnant (she already has twins). I am so very happy for both of them. and I am so very sorry for myself.

To add insult to injury, I LH surged this morning, forcing me to leave the festivities early and also explain to them why I was doing this. Sweets and I have really wanted to keep this as a "need to know" situation.

Anyhoo, in response to my news, pregnant friend number one says, "Yeah, I never even got my period for 4 months after stopping the pill and then got pregnant. The doctor was thinking of putting me on met.formin."

Now, my rational self realizes that she was trying to be understanding, and connect with me because she may have thought she was having problems... But what I hear is this: "I got pregnant the first time I ovulated."

I want to be a better friend than this! It's so frustrating!

At least I feel like I'm presenting myself well outwardly.

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IUI tomorrow morning. crossing our fingers

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As a side note, I had my first full-blown panic attack on Thursday. I nearly lost it completely, and was only glad that none of my coworkers were around to witness it. Finding a therapist is now number one on my to do list for next week.

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