Monday, October 19, 2009

My Dysfunction

Where to start... I suppose I have many dysfunctional personality traits that have contributed to the problems in my marriage.

First, I am a complete Type A personality. When a problem is laid in front of me, I can typically see all possible outcomes, and can quickly decide the easiest way to proceed. This suits me perfectly for my job, but causes me to be radically impatient and to worry incessantly about the things that I cannot fix/control. This drives my slow moving, plodding Sweets absolutely crazy (and the reverse).

I am a VERY high strung. This allows me to get things done efficiently and quickly, and I have a hard time resting if I have anything on my "To Do" list. It creates an edge around me when I'm busy and makes me sharp and prickly. This is particularly in respect to time. I am early to everything, and incredibly reliable. On the flip side, when I have nothing to do, I have a very easy time relaxing, but I need to have everything done and taken care of. (Note that this is one of the reasons that infertility is extremely hard for me.)

Sweets on the other hand, has no concept of time, and is incredibly laid back. He will sleep until noon, fix food and eat until 1, go to the gym, and then be surprised that all of the stores are closed on a Sunday. (And then exclaim, "well, I guess I have to wait until next weekend!") When we first started living together, the compromise was that he would be up, and ready to go by noon, and would find me out and about wherever I happened to be (with no nagging).

Other than this particular frustration, the only thing that we ever really argued about prior to the issues of infertility was money. (I am cheap, and he is not). I come from a family of savers; from a family that put all four of their kids through college and paid for three weddings outright and did it all on a modest income. He comes from a family that constantly spends more than they make, and is always balancing on the edge of financial ruin. He tells me that I need to lighten up (and I do), but he also needs to be a little bit better in the other direction.

I should say in the midst of all of this complaining, that I want my marriage to work, and I think that it will. I find the process of writing about it to be cathartic and I am hoping that it moves me towards resolving some of my own issues.

1 comment:

  1. I've been super-busy and hadn't realized you had started a blog (sorry). Just catching up, and will add you to my blogroll. Jsut have to comment here. We are very, very alike, as are our husbands. Not identical - I think I'm much more of a slug than you, but yeah, wow.