Friday, February 26, 2010

More human

A huge thank you to Chelle for the Pre.ggie Pop suggestion!   I'm feeling a bit more human, and was able to have a productive work day yesterday.    I'm still loosing a lot of what I eat, but I just feel a whole lot better in general.   It's so wonderful.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The list of goodies

So sorry not to include in the last post a description of what I sent!   Here it is:

for baby:

  • Two cute outfits for a 5 pounder (what they expect him to be when he can go home/wear clothes)
  • a couple of new born pacifiers
  • a pack of receiving blankets
  • one nice snuggly blanket
  • one small security type blanket
  • small packets of dreft to get them started

for parents:

  • an assortment of magazines.  (I think People, Elle, cosmo, time, men's heatlh and parents)
  • one trashy vampire romance novel from the Black Dagger Brotherhood (to see if she likes the series.  If so, I'll send her the rest)
  • an assortment of protein bars (lara, cliff and power) for them to munch on
  • a travel Scrabble game with snap in pieces that they can easily pass around
  • a Snu.ggie, and eye cover for naps
  • hand lotion
So I think I'm missing a couple of things, but can't remember what.   I wasn't feeling great as I was running around, so some of those (the Snu.ggie and the Scrabble game) were DEFINITE impulse buys.    I put all that stuff in a diaper bag and sent it off.  

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Care pkg and etc

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful suggestions on the care package.   They were all really helpful.

I ended up buying a nice Eddie Bauer diaper bag and filling it with all of the goodies.   I think that it turned out pretty well, and I'm just now realizing I should have taken a picture of it all to show you!  (I'm a bad blogger...)    The post office lady positively giggled at how heavy it was, and it cost me over 30 bucks to ship.   Since when did shipping stuff cost so dang much?


Sweets told his mom this weekend (against my wishes because everyone knows she can't keep her mouth shut).   She called me right away to tell me how happy she was, and repeated OVER AND OVER that she wouldn't tell a SOUL.   She acknowledged that she knew I'd be angry, and she promised not to say anything.

Then Sweets talked to his sister the next day and asked if MIL had told her.   She said yes.

This infuriates me.   First, IT ISN'T HER NEWS TO TELL.   Sweets should be able to tell the people in his family!    Also, did she think that not telling anyone excluded family?    

Sweets just laughs it off, because there isn't anything he can do about it.  But I am livid.  At both him for telling her and her for not keeping her mouth shut.   Seriously, it's just TWO more weeks!

It also makes me mad, because Sweets went on and on that my mom wouldn't be able to stay quiet after we told her.   I had to defend her time and again, because she IS good with baby news, despite her other tendencies to gossip.    And she didn't say a damn thing.   We saw my sisters and brother this past weekend and HAD to tell them because I'm already showing, and my boobs are noticeably pregnanty.   They were shocked and excited.

I think that possibly Sweets was just feeling out of the loop, but it doesn't excuse him doing something that I specifically requested that he not do, for VERY good reason (and now is completely justified).

I have half a mind in my hormone crazed state to write his mother an email about how her actions are/were completely innapropriate.    I won't do it, because I'll become rational in another couple of days, but I want. to. write. it.          


Warning: pregnancy related talk below...   IFers feel free to stop reading here.

So my morning sickness has been getting worse and worse for the past few weeks and it's actually getting hard to work.   I have been throwing up at least twice a day after breakfast and dinner, with near constant nausea in between.   I had to tell my boss that I wasn't being very productive, and he was good about it.   I said that I was still getting stuff done, but slowly, and he asked me if "I was able to keep working" as if he was totally ok with me taking time off.   I was kind of floored.   I actually WANT to keep working, because when I'm at home, I just lay in bed and think about how I don't feel well.   I'm HAPPY that I don't feel well because I would worry if I felt alright, but it's definitely affecting my work and life considerably.

I've found that mint tea really helps me make it through the day but I'm really hoping that I'm not one of those women that is sick through my entire pregnancy.   Has anyone out there tried acupuncture for morning sickness?    I'm seriously considering it.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I am going to put together a care package for my friend and her baby for their 6-8 week stay in the NICU.   (The baby seems to be doing ok but is still very far from being out of the woods, and apparently they aren't even allowed to hold him.  Also, they have transferred him to a larger hospital that is better equipped for premies.)

But I need ideas.   I don't really know anyone first-hand who has gone through this before and I could really use some suggestions.   I got a really brief email from her today and she said that they have NOTHING yet besides furniture.  

Here's what I have so far:

1.  premie clothes (around 5 pounds because some nicu places don't let them wear anything prior to that) and a couple of receiving blankets.
2.  Hand lotion for all the hand washing in the hospital.
3.  Magazines/Books to read while she's bed-side.
4.  Sleep mask in case she wants to nap next to the baby.
5.  Gift certificates to near by restaurants (this might take some research)

Can you think of anything else?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Not much

Not much is going on around here.

I told my boss so that he could start figuring out project related plans.   In the field that I work in, this is very necessary, as long term planning is a necessity.   I asked him not to say anything else, and I think that he'll keep his mouth shut.    He also gave me a book of baby names that he and his wife had used (their done having kids), so that was really cute.

I have been utterly useless at work.    Productivity now=10%.   My job requires much standing and moving, and thinking during the day, and I just haven't been up to it.   I basically sit at my desk with my head on my arms all day long.   I'm wondering how long this will go unnoticed.  (not very long, I'm sure).

Part of me is totally over it all, and doesn't care what people think about me, but part of me is dreadfully scared that everyone is thinking that I'm a slacker.   But seriously, I'm spending most of my time trying not to vomit on people, so they should be thanking me.  :)

On the plus side, I have been continuing my personal training, though cannot bring myself to go to the gym by myself.   I just don't have the energy, so I'm really glad I'm paying someone so that I'm going at least 1 time a week to get a good work out.   It actually does make me feel better while I'm there, also.


No word yet on my friend's baby.   I haven't wanted to call because it's only been a day, and I'm sure that they are:
1. freaking the hell out.
2.  fielding other calls from people
3. trying to figure out when their parents can visit.

If I haven't had an update by the weekend I'll give her a call, cause I'm sure she'll be out of the hospital by then and may have some time.

This current situation really hits home for me because my husband was born at 30 weeks.   Back in the 1970's it was a little bit more serious than it is now (yea modern medicine!), and Sweets has cerebral palsy.   I have not mentioned this fact about us before because I never really think about it.   It's just how he is.   His case is mild, and many people don't even realize that there is anything wrong with him.    In addition, his cognition was not affected, or at least not that we can tell, cause he's a super-smart-genius-guy.    So impact on our day to day is little, and since it's not supposed to be genetic (or affect my pregnancy in anyway) I don't really think about it.

Sweets has been a little crazy about us planning trips at the end of my pregnancy (anything 3rd trimester).   Our doctor does not restrict travel until 35 weeks, (32 for flying) and so that's what I'm going with.   Sweets is convinced that we're going to have an early baby, and that if we go on one specific trip with my family, planned for my 28th week, that we're going to have our baby in the middle of nowhere, in some ramshackle hospital without a NICU.

I have been telling him he's ridiculous, and refusing to acknowledge his "crazy" about the situation.

So, you might imagine the "I told you so" speech that I got last night after telling him about friend's baby.  

So now I'm left to wonder if I'm wrong about the whole thing?    I mean, I worry SO MUCH about something terrible happening (as most IFers do), that I just really don't want to GIVE IN to it.   I don't want the worry to win.    So I ignore it.    Maybe that's stupid, but it's my coping mechanism.  Otherwise, I wouldn't get out of bed.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Prayers, please

So I mentioned a few months ago about the friend of mine who got pregnant after starting to try long after we did.    She had her baby last night at 29 weeks, and could use any prayers that people are willing to send up.    She is doing well, but the baby is a little touch-and-go right now.  

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dodging a Bullet

So I mentioned this briefly on a post at Womb for Improvement, but I thought that I'd elaborate.

My Brother married a wonderful woman this past September.   They made no secret of the fact that they were going to start trying right away, and tried to recruit us into it as well, "So that our kids could grow up together."    Part of me was PETRIFIED that they would get pregnant right away (she's already 35), and leave us with another slap to the face.

There are two reasons that this dynamic is continuing to make me a little uncomfortable around my family even though I'm pregnant now. First off, we are planning on telling my brother, SIL, sister and BIL at an extended family get together next weekend (I'll be 10 weeks along).    I'm trying to figure out a nice way to tell my brother and SIL.   I do NOT want to be responsible for causing them hurt.   I can just imagine the "frozen faced smile" that I've given to so many people upon hearing their own good news.    I'm left to wonder if I should call them before-hand?   Wait until we're alone?   Do it in a big group so that they don't feel the need to celebrate with us?    I don't know, but it's a subject of some anxiety on my part.

Secondly, my mother will not shut up about them trying.   Apparently my sister in law is worried about autism because of her age, and because her sister has a severely autistic son.    She made the mistake of telling my mom about it, and now that's the only thing my mom will talk about.    Everything from just telling people around her that SIL is worried, to contemplating whether or not SIL and brother should go straight to IVF, and chose female embies because girls have a lower risk of autism.   I mean, seriously, who does that?

It literally makes me want to scream at her.   As it is, I try to shut down her conversations in other ways so I don't have to listen to it (if I stick my head in the sand, then no one can see me, right?), but that really doesn't stop her.  

This situation makes me incredibly happy about two things:  
1.  That I've been distancing myself from my mother, thus lowering the chance that I have to talk to her about anything, let alone this.

2.  That we didn't tell her about our own IF.   I would be contemplating murder/suicide right now if I was the one that she was talking about.    I can only hope that SIL doesn't realize that this is happening.


I'm headed to a funeral this weekend, and thus will be MIA for the next few days.   I'll catch up when I make it back!


So, I've received my very first blogging award from Jane at TTC Hopeful!   She's super tremendous, and has only been blogging for a short while.   Thanks Jane!  

This post is so very late because of my blogging snafu last week, but better late than never, right?

The rules of this award are:
  • Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
  • Copy the award and place it in your blog.
  • Link the person who nominated you for this award.
  • Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers.
  • Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

So, just to jump right in with 7 interesting things about me:

1.   I find things like this incredibly difficult.   I started a post of 100 things about me about 3 months ago, and I'm only half way through.   I'm pretty sure that means I'm not very interesting.  :)   (or creative...)

2.   I ALWAYS misspell "receive" when I type it.   I always spell it recieve.  yea for spell check!

3.  I am the youngest of four kids.  I have the personality to match.   I still talk in a baby voice when I want something, and it drives me CRAZY.     Note:  I am 30 years old and find this unacceptable.  I cringe every time I realize I'm doing it.    Why my parents allowed such an insane habit is beyond me.   I am fortunate that my husband finds it endearing.    (I really fight it, but it still slips out occasionally.   At least I can laugh at myself)

4.   I love to travel, and have been to Europe three times.  I have visited all but 9 or 10 states in this great nation.    It's my goal to visit them all.   

5.   I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but now when confronted with it, I'm scared to death at how difficult it's going to be to give up my professional life.

6.    I LOVE to read.    I welcome any suggestions for wonderful books.    Also, I suggest to the blog-o-sphere:   The Red Tent by Anita Dia.mant, The Alchemist by Paulo Coehl.o, and Travelling Mercies by Anne Lamott.   They are all wonderful books, and beautifully written.

7.  The only game I can beat my husband at is Scrabble.   He is a game-board wizard.   It's insanity.   But my love of reading helps me in the Scrabble department. :)

On to the Seven Bloggers!     It's so hard to just pick 7!   I think that I'm currently following about 20 blogs, and that most of them have already been nominated for this particular award.     These lovely ladies have helped me through some seriously difficult times:

Jo at Mojo working.    She's been going through a terrible time lately, and still finds the time to make the rounds and give support.   She's a really lovely person, who is in my thoughts and prayers continuously.

Michelle over at No, I'm not pregnant, just fat.   Michelle has such a wonderful snarky attitude, and alot of what she's saying sounds like it's directly out of my head.

Which Box at Which Box? was one of the first bloggers that I ever communicated with (before even starting a blog). She also blogs openly about her marriage, and trouble with in laws, and I have found a lot of comfort from her story.

Susie over at Six Months (at A Time) is in the middle of a cycle right now (I think her third IVF).    She has a great attitude, and I have my fingers crossed for her!

Nicole over at Anonymous Infertility Confessions (password protected).    Nicole has been incredibly supportive and seems to know just what to say to make someone feel better.    I'm so happy that she is expecting after so many years of TTC!

And also (even though I know they've already been nominated before)  I must shout out to  Katie at from If to When and Fertility Chick because they have both made me laugh, cry and ponder with their insight, creativity and wonderful blogging.   Thanks ladies!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My apologies

So last week, I accidentally posted on a friend's IRL blog with my anonymous blogger-log in.    While I quickly deleted the comment, it still  linked to my profile, which linked to my blog.     I asked her to delete and resubmit the post, but she was traveling unexpectedly until last night and couldn't get to it.

So, I'm back, I've been staying up with people's blogs, and I apologize for the quick drop off without explanation.


And better news, we had our 8 week appointment yesterday morning, and everything looks perfect so far!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Moving on?

Katie at From IF to When has a really great post today about what she calls "Infertility Amnesia."   Basically, the phenomena that some IFers tend to completely forget about their struggles after finally conceiving.    That they drop off the face of the earth, and no longer support all of the wonderful women that have helped them through their struggle.

I've been thinking about this from the other side for the past couple of weeks.   It is very much part of my thoughts in thinking about what to do with my own blog.    I like blogging a lot more than I thought I would.   When I first started this, it was very much something that I needed to do for my own sanity.   I didn't have anyone that understood, and I found all of these wonderful, loving, caring women to get me through it.   This blog was very much a cry for help, and the community that it brought me into was a savior of my mental well being.

Now that I'm (barely) on the other side, I'm left figuring out how best to transition and how to do it and not be offensive to those women that I've come to love and respect so much.    I haven't had much time to think about it after getting sick this week (seriously, I haven't been this sick in ages), but little bits have been swirling in my sickened haze.

I'm far from perfect.   Really, hugely far from perfect, but I want to be sure that I do this transition in a thoughtful, and purposeful way.    This preoccupation with "doing right" probably stems from the fact that I am typically a tactless and insensitive person, and I care about all the ladies here so very much.

I think I'm going to continue blogging.   I think it might be neat (and therapeutic for me) to continue a blog from the IF affects on marriage post conception.  


On a happy note, the illness is fading, though I'm home from work sick today.    I hope to be back to normal in the next couple of days.

Oh!  and I don't have a scanner, so I can't scan my U/S pics.   bummer!