Monday, November 30, 2009

Counseling Session Number Two

Sweets and I attended our second counseling session last night. Things have been really good the past two weeks since our last session. We talked about our problems with his family for the holiday season, and I talked about how great it was that Sweets and I are finally on the same page about the crazy that they throw at us.

It used to be that his family would do something like this (see previous post) and Sweets would try to defend their actions, or tell me that I was overreacting to the situation. But he told the counselor tonight that he "finally saw through their manipulations" and that helped him to be a little more straightforward with them. He wasn't super direct, but he let them know that he/we weren't happy about the whole situation, which is a HUGE step for him.

The counselor told us that she thought we were working with each other really well, and we scheduled our next appointment for AFTER the holidays.

Afterwards, we drove through to get some fast food (yuck, I know) and Sweets asked me "Is it helping you to talk to this woman? Are you getting something out of it?"

"Yeah, because it helps you to talk things through with out becoming a jerk."

This was far too straight forward. I have a serious problem with being too direct some times. One of the biggest problems that we have is that Sweets escalates perfectly rational conversations into all out debates nearly immediately. He feels the need to convince everyone he's right, even when there isn't a wrong/right side. This also goes hand in hand with his inability to apologize about ANYTHING. I meant to say this in a nicer way, and I failed miserably.

He didn't say anything about it, but then picked a fight with me when we got home about the curtains being open. Realizing that this was not actually about curtains, I told him to go stop picking a fight and come talk to me when he decided he wanted to have a real conversation.

Sigh. Two steps forward, one step back.


  1. I have SO been there! Mo has similar issues -- both with an inability to be direct, and as I've posted before, the ability to turn nothing into a huge argument.

    Still, staying in counseling is a major step forward. Wishing the best for both of you.


  2. My husband can't apologize, either: I hear you. But go you for recognizing his frustration as not being about the curtains - way to defuse the situation before it got out of hand! It sounds like you're both becoming more aware of your own and each other's little "issues," and learning how to overcome them!