Sunday, November 15, 2009

Nope, not pregnant

AF showed up on Friday evening (as I was expecting). Sweets and I went out for an expensive dinner and split a bottle of wine. We then had several good, and several bad conversations in our inebriated state.

1. (Good) We talked about foster parent orientation. I have wanted to be a foster parent since high school, and it is something that we've talked about off and on for a few years. Sweets wasn't too keen on the idea, assuming that we would have our own kids "soon" and didn't want to complicate things. Now that our own kids might not factor in, we've decided to at least go to the orientation to see what it's all about. Sweets is still hesitant (rightly so) because things are so up in the air with us, but we'll at least have our bases covered when/if we want to pursue it.

2. (Good) Medicated cycle? I got an appointment with the RE for the 23rd. We will develop a game plan and see if we want to pursue a medicated cycle (we are leaning towards no here, but it's still TBD).

3. (Good) We decided our plan for the holidays. Our next IUIs will probably be the day after Thanksgiving, and Xmas day. So, we are going to sit out Xmas, because we will be traveling to my in laws, who do not know.

4. (Bad) I have mentioned to Sweets previously that Xmas will be hard for me this year and we revisited this conversation at dinner. Not only are we traveling away from my family, but we will be sitting out a cycle AND his sister is pregnant with her FOURTH child. She has had two pregnancies since we have been trying. She's also one of those people who I KNOW will pressure us ("when are you going to have kids???? you've been married FOREVER! don't you want them???" etc, etc)

This opened up "can of worms" conversation number 5, and I was "that" crazy woman at dinner, arguing with her husband and certainly ruining the dinners of the people sitting next to me.

5. (Bad, very EXTREMELY bad) I cannot stand my sister in law, and Sweets is very close with her. I, for the most part, keep my mouth shut about it, and put on the nice face and she "thinks I'm great," according to Sweets. I do NOT WANT HER KNOWING about our IF, and Sweets wants to tell her, because they are close. We'll call her Sasha.

There are several reasons why I don't want Sasha knowing, and why I don't like her (and this post would be extremely long if I decided to go into them all, but I'll try to just gloss over a few).

I don't like her for one main reason: she is extremely selfish. She did not attend our wedding, or my bridal shower because it was not convenient for her to be there. When we travel across the country to see Sweets' family, she can't be bothered to make the trip down to his mom's house to see us, and we then have to make the 3 hour drive (in addition to the 6 hour flight) to see her. There is much more to this story but it's whole-other-post-worthy. This is strike number one.

I don't want her to know about her IF for the same reason I don't want to tell my own mother: I don't trust her to keep her mouth shut. There is good reason for my trepidation. A cousin of theirs recently had to terminate a pregnancy (a very wanted pregnancy) for medical reasons. While they are telling everyone else that she miscarried, Sasha knows the real reason and talked to Sweets about it. This is strike number two.

Sasha is also close with their other sister (Fiona) who has a terrible gossiping problem. So, a common scene of drama in the in laws house is that Fiona spreads everyone else's gossip around (including Sasha's). Strike number three.

My worry is that even if she didn't spread it herself, that Sasha would tell Fiona, and it would get around to everyone in the family. And, while we may end up telling everyone some day, I do not want to feel pressured to tell everyone because people are suddenly finding out from the gossip mill.

Does anyone else have any problems with gossips in their family? It seems like I'm getting it from both sides and now I'm wondering if I'm just being overly sensitive about the whole thing. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing, and we should just tell people. Sigh, I don't know.

1 comment:

  1. The only way to counteract gossip is to be completely open all the time. People will talk about you no matter what you do. I think the whole baby making process is one of the hardest things to be open about, but it might benefit you to be honest. That way, no one can be "wondering" while they make up stories about you. If they know the truth, you probably won't hear too much more about it.

    No matter how you decide to address your husband's sister, I hope you have wonderful holidays!