Saturday, November 21, 2009

My first ICLW

Hi ICLW ers!

Welcome to my blog. I started blogging just a few weeks ago, amid a serious marital crisis brought on by infertility. We are new to the infertility game, and are "only" starting our second IUI this week. Married for 6 years, and I have been pressuring Sweets for kids for about four or those years. I have past medical history of pelvic pain and irregular bleeding which led to an ultrasound "diagnosis" of adenomyosis (I have been told by subsequent OB/GYNs that this is not diagnosable via ultrasound). After that diagnosis, I had a complete breakdown and begged for kids, but Sweets said no.

That was the start of what I would consider the falling apart of our marriage. I was so hurt, and angry that he could be so selfish that I shut down a lot of myself. Now that we've been trying for over a year, and have a failed treatment under our belts, I have become MORE angry. I realize that this doesn't help matters, but I can't help it. He, on the other hand, has started to claim some responsibility, and understand how I've been feeling about all of this.

We started seeing a counselor last week, and things are finally looking up. I feel much better about everything than I did even two months ago. This is our road to recovery, whether it includes our own baby or not.


  1. Hi, thanks for visiting my blog. Girl, I can relate to you. About 6 months after we got married I wanted kids BADLY. My hubby said no. He said no for the next year through all my begging, crying. freaking out, etc. I even remember leaving in my car not knowing where I was going and I call him and completely broke down. Basically when I got home that's when he said ok. So we started trying a year and a half after we got married. 2 years later no baby. I was very very angry that first year. I was so mad that he delayed things further by not being "ready". I blamed him and I was so angry.
    Anyways, I'm ok now I just wanted you to know I felt the same way and had to deal with that. I'm glad things are looking up for you and you had a good session with a councelor. I hope you get a BFP soon, and happy ICLW!

  2. thanks for visiting my blog, and your lovely comment.

    The Mr. And I struggled about the decision to have kids, and then the decision to try again after losing Gabe. It's a hard call.

  3. We too have struggled about dealing with IF and where that path has brought us...

    Hoping that you are able to move forward from here and that you get your bfp very soon :) (ICLW)

  4. Stopping by from ICLW, and commiserate. I had IUI#1 last month, also a BFN. IF is awful to deal with, and MI makes it worse. My husband and I went to counseling when we first got our diagnosis and periodically go now and it really helps to vent to a third party. I am glad you are feeling more hopeful, hang in there! ((hugs))

  5. Here from ICLW too. I am a firm believer in having a strong foundation before a family. DH and I have been married for 13 years and we just started TTC last year. I know we would not have survived had we had kids 10 years ago, so I don't regret the decision to wait, even if I might have been fertile at 25.
    Good for you for recognizing the areas you and your DH need to work on. That is a big step towards getting where you need to be.

    Good luck!

  6. I'm glad things are looking brighter these days, and I welcome another blogger who is able to discuss the marital struggles that so often accompany IF. So many people put on their "happy" face and pretend that everything is great -- when clearly, it's not. I know I'm guilty of that very thing. It takes a great deal of bravery to be honest about the struggles of marriage, especially when they are tied so closely to the hugely emotional aspect of having children.

    Wishing you the best of luck, and please know I'm here if you ever need anything.


  7. Stopping by for ICLW (hi!) and wishing you happiness, luck, and peace. IF is SO hard on a marriage...I hope you and Sweets are able to work it out.


  8. Hi, dropping by from ICLW.

    I'm glad things are looking up in your marriage. It sounds like you guys are making progress...seeing a counselor and your hubby is stepping up and understanding where you're coming from. I hope things continue to improve.

    IF is really so hard on a marriage - we're not having a really hard time with that now, but I feel like we have a lot less of those carefree, fun times since IF. And that sucks. I hope we can bring some fun back into it, and I know that's dependent on me and my emotions during this mess.

    Good luck on your 2nd IUI! We have our first next cycle (Dec).

  9. Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm dropping by from ICLW. IF can be extremely hard on a marriage. I'm glad that you and your DH are getting counseling. That's a very important first step.

  10. Hey thanks for sending me an invite request! I'm excited to start following your journey. IF is SO hard on us as individuals and as couples. It can make for bad marital situations when you aren't on the same page as your spouse. Or even if you are on the same page- it can be difficult because you are both so low in despair tha tyou can't lift each other like best friends are for. Or it hurts so badly that neither of you can talk about it, but communication is so vital to a relationship... all kinds of things about IF can stress a marriage. I'm glad that the session went well for you and the hubs, and I hope you guys can make real progress in that facet of your life :) Wishing you the best!

  11. It's so nice to "meet" you!

    I think it's a great step that you and the hubs are taking to pursue counseling. So many couples are unwilling to even admit that they might need it. Way to go!

    Happy ICLW!

  12. thanks for being so open and honest about what infertilty has done to your relationship. The infertility/TTC journey can create havoc on even the most solid marriages. Good luck with your IUI

  13. Glad things are starting to look up for you. Good luck with your marriage and your infertility treatments.