Monday, January 4, 2010

Coming Out

I have been thinking more and more about coming out of the IF "closet" to my family.    While I absolutely DREAD the actual conversation, I am thinking more and more that it would be easier to be around them if they knew the whole truth.  

I know that my silence about this is creating problems between myself an my mother.   I'm sure that it's also seeping into my other family relationships but I'm so caught up in it that I can't currently figure out how much.  

I'd also feel better with my husband telling his sister (which he's been wanting to do for awhile) once my family knows first.   yes, I know this is petty...  I can't help it.   can't. help. it.   I'm a terrible person.   I just dislike her SO MUCH.   But he really wants to tell her and I feel bad keeping him from doing it.  Though quite honestly some of the ways she and her sister were acting at Christmas make me wonder if he has already told her.   Maybe I'm just paranoid.

I worry, however, that the absolute opposite could happen.    What if they then feel the need to ask me  how it's going all the time?   I think that this would be logical once they know.   I also feel like they might then stare at my belly critically and try to figure out when I actually do become pregnant.   This would also be natural (I currently do it to my brother's new wife because I know that they are trying).  

Maybe I'll give it 6 more months.    I have mentally prepared myself that negative results in six months would mean that we move on to making the decision to live child-free or adopt.   At that point, we will have exhausted our natural IUI, and (possible) medicated IUI cycles.  

It's such a difficult decision!   And so much harder because you can't fix it if it turns out to be an awful choice.   Once it's out, it's out, and there isn't anything you can do about it.

Erg, I guess I'll keep mulling it over.   Has anyone out here told people and then wished that they hadn't?


  1. I'm happy my family and DH's family knows. They have mostly left us alone, leaving messages on our machine like, Hello.. just thinking about you guys. But they know why Aunt Michelle isn't at the chorus concert this year. That seems to make it easier on me, I'm not obligated to these events right now, and no one is judging me for not going.
    My Office Manager knows, only because she had to for the Dr. appointments and then the day I found out my husband had no sperm, I was hysterically crying outside and she followed me. In my hysteria, I told her.. and now I wish I hadn't.
    All in all, I'm happy with who knows. Some know all the details, some know just that we "are having problems conceiving naturally".

  2. I haven't told anyone yet, either. Just DH and our RE know. I think about telling my parents sometimes. But I'm afraid, because it's one of those things that once it's done it can't be "undone." But I know my parents can keep a secret, so if I do tell them I won't have to worry that the whole family will find out.

    I was actually just thinking that I wish one of my friends would "come out" to me, because then I wouldn't feel afraid to come out to her.

    Well, it's a tough decision, because it seems like people will treat you differently. But will it be good differently, or bad differently?

  3. DH and I had the same dilemma. I told a few of our close friends because I needed an outlet and a few people I could be totally honest with. We thought we needed to tell everyone else including our family because it felt like we were keeping something from them. I quickly changed my mind after one of my friends started giving me unwanted advice and telling me to that they know "for a fact" that if we quit TTC we will get pregnant. Those kinds of statements made me realize that I don't deal well with stupid "advice".

    I think you should tell a few people you can trust and if that goes well then you can open up to more. Just be prepared for people treating you different.

    Good luck, I know this is a hard decision.

  4. I've told everything. Anyone who asks, I tell and I've even told people who don't ask. For me, it was less of a burden to have it out in the open than to continue to keep secrets about it. I don't regret that decision at all. Of course, it doesn't mean that everyone was as supportive as I thought they would be or that they had the reaction I wanted, but it was a load off of my chest. Plus, when you think about it, the more people you tell, the more people you have praying for you.

    Good luck with your decision.