Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Better Person, Maybe

For awhile I've been thinking about how how this battle with IF has made me a more considerate person. Prior to IF I was a judgmental, unsympathetic and over-all oblivious person who considered herself rational. I simply couldn't understand why people faced with decisions (like adopting, etc) couldn't make decisions based on fact. I wasn't a horrible and unfeeling person, but things just seemed really black and white to me.

I was that person. The one who would have said "Why don't you just adopt?" or "I have a friend who just stopped trying and poof! They got pregnant!" Now, thankfully, I was NEVER put into that position, because most of my friends married after us, and have not started trying to add to their families. I don't have to look back and regret actually doing that to someone, which I count as a blessing.

I think that in part, this is a large reason that I have trepidation about telling those in my life about our struggle with IF. And I really don't blame people who react with the "adoption" or "advice" type comments, because I can certainly relate. I just simply don't want to hear it, or come up with canned responses for them.

After going through this whole IF process I have developed a lot as a person. And I look at all the women who have been through so much more than I have and wonder how they do it. I have a lot more empathy for those around me, and bite my tongue on a regular basis. I still have a long way to go, but I'm more aware now of my words and advice. I pay attention to what is unsaid in addition to what is voiced.

I can't help but wonder if God has led me down this path as a way to make me realize my faults. To help me grow as a person. To help make my marriage stronger as a result.

At least I hope so.

1 comment:

  1. I think we all learn a lot about social sensitivity from dealing with IF. It's a valuable lesson, and I'm sure we'll be grateful for it (among others)- even it we can't realize it until after we move to the other side of IF. Props to you for acknowledging it now