Sunday, December 20, 2009

Whoa (much swearing in this post)

This weekend has been busy with last minute errands for both Christmas and traveling. I also still have not recovered from taking the Pro.metrium, and it's been getting a little worrying. (TMI to follow...) While the bloating has subsided, I'm still extremely stopped up. I went to the drug store and got some Mira.lax and fiber supplements, but they still haven't helped. If this continues through the next day, I'll call the doctor and see if there is anything that I can do.

So I was sitting on the couch, grabbing at my belly-fat (which also increased and has not subsided in the past two weeks). And Sweets says "I don't think THAT'S gonna go away when you pooh." To which I respond "I'm a little worried about it, I don't think it's going to either" and he bursts out laughing. He says "Yeah, I know, cause it's all fat." So starts the tears. I pick up my laptop to give myself a distraction, and he murmurs an I'm Sorry under his breath and then ignores me. Pretty much for the rest of the night. And I ignore him. I go about the rest of the things that I need to do around the house. In doing this, I walk repeatedly past the pills of selenium and zinc that I bought him last week.

They are still sitting unopened on the kitchen counter.

And I get more. and more. angry.

[Note: Sweets has never treated me like an attractive person. He's always been a little critical of me (even though I'm all-right attractive, and up until recently quite slender.) It's only been over the past three years or so that I've put on a little bit more pudge, but I'm still within a healthy weight/BMI, and I go to the gym and have a personal trainer. ]

Then Sweets decides to put on a movie. I was sitting on the couch, and he decides to join me. I tell him that I don't want to snuggle, and he can sit on the other side if he wants. But he tries to force his way next to me. I got up directly and went into the bedroom to get away from him. He instantly knew something was wrong and followed me. And wouldn't leave even though I alternated between ignoring him and asking him to leave. and he kept asking what he did, and if I was "still mad about the fat comment."

I finally exploded. I screamed so loud that my voice was almost unrecognizable, and my throat is now sore. Why do you THINK I'm mad?!? he said "because of the fat comment, it was just a joke." .... AND THEN WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!? "nothing, i didn't say anything else" Exactly you selfish son of a bitch! Even after you could SEE what you said did, and how it made me feel, you STILL COULDN'T GIVE A REAL APOLOGY! you reflexively gave a sorry and then you just SAT there! I'm the one taking the damn medications, gaining the weight, getting bloated and constipated and you can even TAKE A FUCKING VITAMIN.

"So this is what this is about? the vitamins? I'm not even sure they're going to work"

NOT SURE THEY ARE GOING TO WORK?!?!?! Get OUT GET OUT GET OUT. (I threw his pillow into the hallway) IF YOU VALUE this marriage and don't want a fucking divorce you will get out and sleep on the damn couch! (This continued for several rounds)

I finally stopped talking, and got into bed and ignored him. He stood in the room for a good 20 minutes watching me sob before he left the room.

For the first time in 9 years, he is sleeping on the couch. Mind you, this is not the first time I've asked him to sleep on the couch, and I have slept on the couch a handful of times, but never the other way around.

He doesn't care as much as I do. I cannot believe that he would mock my weight after all this. And not give an apology. I have never been so angry in my life. I literally saw red, and before this, I thought that was just a saying. (It's not) I wanted to hit him. I wanted to throw things at him. I have never been so angry. I never could have imagined that I would feel that way about someone that I loved.

I fear that this may be the beginning of the end for us. Maybe it's good that we didn't have a baby.


I don't know if I can handle going to the in-laws for the holidays. I'm thinking about the logistics of all of it. I'm open to any suggestions to get out of this without alerting both sides of my family.



  1. I'm so sorry, Nixy. That was such a hurtful thing for him to say. I hope things are better this morning.


  2. Oh dear. I'm so sorry. Hang in there. I don't want to invalidate the way you feel, but does it help thinking that part of it (part!) is hormone related? Plus pressure. Maybe knowing it will pass doesn't help, actually. So just hang in there and be true to you.

  3. Man Nixy.. this sucks. I could almost feel your pain and anger in your description. Don't give up on you guys yet, things can always get better.

    In regards to the family-holiday events, can you come down with a major "stomach flu"? You wouldn't want to spread your flu (that may or may not be swine) to the family? right? :)

  4. I would def. use the swine flu excuse. Tell them that you came in contact with someone that was recently diagnosed with it, and though you don't have major symptoms as of yet, you would rather not risk infecting the entire family. My hubby used this to get out of coming to one of my cousins weddings and it worked like a charm.

    As far as DH, I find that once you get into a marriage, you reach a whole new level of "comfort". Where they think things can be said as if they were in a locker room talking to one of the guys. You are not alone, there have been plenty of times where I've wanted to throw things at my husband, in fact have thrown things...electrical cords, wooden spoons, (I threw the spoon at his feet, and he said "nice throw", next I picked up a meat mallet and asked if he wanted me to "try with that")

    I wish you the best with everything, and hope he stops and thinks. And always remember this quote and smile -

    "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
    Katharine Hepburn

  5. I don't know what to tell ya except I'm really sorry about this horrible situation. You could say you have the beginnings of the flu and don't want to give it away just in case it's H1N1...? That should be scary enough for everyone to want you away. I really don't know though. Sorry :(