I got to spend some quality time this weekend with my best friend (who lives in another city) and it was quite therapeutic for me. We haven't had too much opportunity for me to fill her in on the IF stuff, or the problems with Sweets, and we talked a lot about it this weekend. I really needed to talk about it with someone.
On Friday, when I told Sweets that AF had started, his only response was "Isn't it early??" And after I told him no, I got nothing. NOTHING from him. He stayed up late watching TV and working, went to work early the next morning, and hasn't acknowledged anything.
My friend asked me what Sweets thought about the entire thing. And my truthful response to her was that he doesn't talk about it. He's very uncommunicative, and unless we're fighting about something, I don't get anything from him. Her response "That must make you feel like you're doing this all alone." was really spot-on.
I've specifically told him that I need him to be sympathetic. I know that he can be, because he is with everyone else but me. I don't quite understand it (though I have been trying to figure out why) and it makes me pull away from him. It's kind of a slippery slope.
We don't see our counselor again until after the holidays, but I'm going to keep this in mind to bring up at the next session.
Ah, hon. I'm so glad you got to talk to someone -- it truly does make you feel so much better. Perhaps in Sweets' defense he is uncommunicative because it bothers him and he doesn't know how to express it. Some men find it easier to "ignore" the issue rather than deal with the heartache. Just don't assume he doesn't care -- my guess is that this is bothering him more than he is willing to let on.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, and sending lots of bloggy love your way.
Hugs,
Jo
Once again our hubbies seem to have a lot in common...
ReplyDeleteI wrote briefly about DH's reaction to our BFN after our first IUI in one of my posts: he was at a bar when I got my beta call, he couldn't hear me over the bar noise, so I hung up on him. Then, after I sulked for an hour in bed, he told me that I shouldn't be taking it so hard (!).
I know DH loves me, and he wants me to be happy. But he's just so laid back about this whole thing! I read on other blogs husbands sharing in their wife's anger and frustration, and that's what I want, too. Because you're right, it makes me feel like I'm doing it all alone, like he doesn't care about it as much as I do.
I don't have any advice for you, unfortunately... but I know how you feel, so I hope that helps at least a little!
Aww, thanks for the 'shout out' :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe... maybe Sweets is so uncommunicative about it because inside it's really a raw spot and he doesn't want to open up like that? It can take a lot for a guy to admit that IF in emotional for him, especially since it can seem like such a female desire and not so much the yearning of a man's heart. Does that make sense? It's a more positive possibility. Sometimes when I don't think my DH is reacting appropriately and we talk about it it's becaue he's unsure of how I want him to react to make it better not worse. Another positive possibility?
I hope the session after the holidays goes well. And sorry about AF. Also, IVF is such a personal decision, but I hope you (and Sweets) can come up with a plan that is right for you. So glad your BFF brought some relief.