2009 has been a rough one for our marriage. It has seen me at my angriest, my saddest and my most broken.
I left my husband this year. It was for a very short time (a matter of hours), but I did it. One summer night after a huge fight, I packed the car, left a note (because he'd gone off in a huff and I couldn't get ahold of him for hours) and drove away thinking that I was done. I felt that he didn't want children, or the marriage and so I'd finally had enough. I didn't think that I could live the relationship for the both of us any more. I drove and drove and drove, and finally ended up turning around and coming back.
That was certainly the low point.
Funny to say it now, but I think that was what it took to shake him out of whatever hole he'd been hiding in. I don't think that he had realized how far at the end of my rope I had been. Even though I had been telling him, and screaming at him, it took that act for him to get it. He finally understood that I'd leave if things didn't change.
Afterwards, I fully expected a backlash from my actions and wondered if we'd ever get over it. I understood the breach that it was. But he only ever mentioned it one other time. I think he actually gets "it" now.
It was shortly after this that I found the blog-o-sphere and started thinking about writing my own blog. Several months later and I actually started this one. Now we are in therapy. We are starting to heal.
Good bye 2009, and here's to hoping that 2010 continues to bring healing and hope.