Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year

2009 has been a rough one for our marriage.    It has seen me at my angriest, my saddest and my most broken.    

I left my husband this year.   It was for a very short time (a matter of hours), but I did it.   One summer night after a huge fight, I packed the car, left a note (because he'd gone off in a huff and I couldn't get ahold of him for hours) and drove away thinking that I was done.   I felt that he didn't want children, or the marriage and so I'd finally had enough.   I didn't think that I could live the relationship for the both of us any more.  I drove and drove and drove, and finally ended up turning around and coming back.

That was certainly the low point.

Funny to say it now, but I think that was what it took to shake him out of whatever hole he'd been hiding in.   I don't think that he had realized how far at the end of my rope I had been.   Even though I had been telling him, and screaming at him, it took that act for him to get it.    He finally understood that I'd leave if things didn't change.

Afterwards, I fully expected a backlash from my actions and wondered if we'd ever get over it.   I understood the breach that it was.   But he only ever mentioned it one other time.    I think he actually gets "it"  now.

It was shortly after this that I found the blog-o-sphere and started thinking about writing my own blog.   Several months later and I actually started this one.   Now we are in therapy.   We are starting to heal.

Good bye 2009, and here's to hoping that 2010 continues to bring healing and hope.


  1. Sounds like 2010 will be much better than 2009. Happy New Year. See ya on the other side!

  2. Thank you for the honest post. I'm glad that you and your husband are in therapy and are down the right path.

    I like your outlook for continued healing and hope for 2010! Don't let that go!

  3. I'm glad you and your husband are working on things and you are able to talk about it. I hope 2010 will be a better year for both your marriage and for infertility. (((hugs)))