New Year

2009 has been a rough one for our marriage.    It has seen me at my angriest, my saddest and my most broken.    

I left my husband this year.   It was for a very short time (a matter of hours), but I did it.   One summer night after a huge fight, I packed the car, left a note (because he'd gone off in a huff and I couldn't get ahold of him for hours) and drove away thinking that I was done.   I felt that he didn't want children, or the marriage and so I'd finally had enough.   I didn't think that I could live the relationship for the both of us any more.  I drove and drove and drove, and finally ended up turning around and coming back.

That was certainly the low point.

Funny to say it now, but I think that was what it took to shake him out of whatever hole he'd been hiding in.   I don't think that he had realized how far at the end of my rope I had been.   Even though I had been telling him, and screaming at him, it took that act for him to get it.    He finally understood that I'd leave if things didn't change.

Afterwards, I fully expected a backlash from my actions and wondered if we'd ever get over it.   I understood the breach that it was.   But he only ever mentioned it one other time.    I think he actually gets "it"  now.

It was shortly after this that I found the blog-o-sphere and started thinking about writing my own blog.   Several months later and I actually started this one.   Now we are in therapy.   We are starting to heal.

Good bye 2009, and here's to hoping that 2010 continues to bring healing and hope.